Engraving

F, S, and I ran errands yesterday morning after M left. I picked up my footprints ring from the jeweler. I'd had it engraved to say GRACE 10-5-07.

Grace's Tree

Yesterday and today were beautiful spring days. Temps yesterday were in the mid 60's, and today it hit 72, but it was really windy both days.

Josh and I decided a few months a go that we wanted to get a male ginkgo tree as Grace's memorial tree. They are slow-growing, but they have neat fan-shaped leaves, and the trees can live hundreds (even thousands!) of years. Ginkgo trees are also unique because there are both male and female trees (but you don't want to get a female tree because the fruit has an awful smell). I'd called a local nursery on Monday to see if they had any, and they did, so when Josh came home from school yesterday we all went to the nursery to buy it.

Josh came home from school a little earlier than usual today. I showed him where I wanted to plant the tree in the front yard, and he dug a big hole for it. I think all of the kids took turns helping dig, too. After supper, once the tree was in the hole, I poured Grace's ashes around the tree. Then we all helped fill in the hole with the rest of the dirt.

Right now I don't have a working camera, and the tree is still dormant. I do plan to take a picture of it once it leafs out.

It's Here

My footprints ring arrived via UPS while we were gone. I'd been tracking it before we left and saw it would arrive while we were gone on our vacation to AR, so I'd asked our neighbor to get the package for us so that it wouldn't blow away or get lost. She did, and I got it from her tonight. I really like the ring, and I think it looks prettier than the pictures of I'd seen online.

Ring

Shortly after Grace's death a dear friend sent me a beautiful stainless steel chain with a heart pendant on it. The front of the heart says "The Heart Remembers". On the back my friend had Grace's name and birthday engraved. I love the necklace. The chain is nice and sturdy, and I don't have to worry about it tarnishing or changing my skin colors as it's stainless steel. I've worn the necklace almost constantly since receiving it.

Before getting the necklace I thought about getting a ring to wear in Grace's memory. I looked at lots of different sites and at many different kinds of "memorial jewelry". I wanted something to wear in Grace's memory but not something that would be an obvious sign of loss to anyone who saw it. I have other "mother's jewelry" with my living children's names or birthstones, and I wanted something for my daughter who is no longer with us. I knew I wanted the jewelry in yellow gold. I thought about getting a ring with her birthstone or just getting a plain band and having her name engraved on the inside. Then I came across one that seems to fit what I want perfectly. It's 10kt gold. I just ordered it tonight off ebay. (I had to get my finger sized at the store first to know what size to order. Even though I ordered mine off ebay, you can get the same ring HERE.)

The ring is actually based on the Footprints poem by Mary Stevenson. I found a couple different versions of this ring, some of them with the words "It was then that I carried you" engraved on the inside.

When I saw the ring, that poem wasn't what I thought of. The tiny footprints reminded me of Grace's tiny footprints. I ordered the version of the ring without engraving on the inside because I want to take it to a jeweler and have Grace's name and birthdate engraved on the inside.

Gift of Remembrance

SS gave us a card and the Willow Tree “Remember” figurine from their family when she picked up M yesterday morning. She knew it was Grace’s due date and wanted us to know that we were in their thoughts and prayers.

What Might Have Been

Today is my due date, but I'm not pg. Today is the day Grace was due, a day we excitedly anticipated. Yet here I sit, filled with sadness, my heart breaking once again, missing our daughter whom we didn't get to know.

Would she have had blonde hair or dark? What color would her eyes have turned? Would Grace have liked princesses and ponies like her older sisters? Would she have been musical? What career would she have chosen? Would she have married and had babies of her own?

She had a sweet little mouth that was downturned at the corners like most of her siblings and me that we never got to see turn up into a smile. I thought she looked a bit like G.

Most likely she would have faced health and medical obstacles due to the physical problems she had which were discovered after her death. How would they have affected her? How would they have affected us and our family?

For us, Grace's death was not only the death of our child, but the death of our hopes and dreams for her. Yet "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) It is to this I cling as I pray for comfort, remember, and mourn.

Amazing Grace

I love this version of Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin.