Difficult Time

I'm just having a very difficult time emotionally lately. No, I'm not depressed. I've struggled with depression and have been on meds for that for years. But I hurt! The past few days my tears have been just below the surface if not breaking through.

It's Christmastime, a time we celebrate our Savior's birth. My oldest child's birthday is in 2 days. My newest niece was just born yesterday. A friend just discovered she's pregnant.

Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas and am so thankful to God for sending his son. I'm happy for my daughter as I see how excited she is about her upcoming birthday, and I thank God for blessing us with her. I rejoice with my family members and friends over a newborn baby and the discovery of new life.

... Yet at the same time I weep.

Why, God? I prayed for Hannah before she was conceived. I prayed for her daily, many times a day, since we learned of her existence ... that she would be born healthy and alive at term. Why, God? I feel like she was stolen from me, yet I know you only loaned her to us for a short time, but did it have to be for so short of a time? What are you trying to teach me, God? And why did you have to do it in this way? Please help me to learn what you want me to know and ease my pain.