Today is my due date, but I'm not pg. Today is the day Grace was due, a day we excitedly anticipated. Yet here I sit, filled with sadness, my heart breaking once again, missing our daughter whom we didn't get to know.
Would she have had blonde hair or dark? What color would her eyes have turned? Would Grace have liked princesses and ponies like her older sisters? Would she have been musical? What career would she have chosen? Would she have married and had babies of her own?
She had a sweet little mouth that was downturned at the corners like most of her siblings and me that we never got to see turn up into a smile. I thought she looked a bit like G.
Most likely she would have faced health and medical obstacles due to the physical problems she had which were discovered after her death. How would they have affected her? How would they have affected us and our family?
For us, Grace's death was not only the death of our child, but the death of our hopes and dreams for her. Yet "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) It is to this I cling as I pray for comfort, remember, and mourn.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
What Might Have Been
Posted by Melanie at 8:46 AM
Labels: Bible passages, Grace, thoughts
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10 comments:
Melanie, thank-you for sharing Grace and your experiences through the grief.
Thinking of you today and praying that the Lord will wrap you in His arms, the way He has done with Grace.
Oh, Melanie, I wish I could give you a big hug. I know that my experience wasn't like yours, but I, too, am hoping to have another and it's not happening yet.
I was just thinking that I would be due in just a few weeks if my baby lived. Just yesterday I was thinking about this, in fact, and I felt such regret that I ever saw that ultrasound and beating heart. It was such a tiny window -- why did I have to see it? And have it go away the very next day? But, in some ways, I'm grateful, too.
I was also reading my pregnancy journal (I do that for each pregnancy) and it was so hard. Even looking at that fuzzy US picture.
I just want you to know that you are not alone (I know that Heather/weinloveforever has had a VERY hard time, too.)
Thanks for the invite and I pray that you are blessed VERY soon! Maybe this will be the month for both of us.
Melanie, I knew your due date was soon and you have been on my heart and mind frequently lately. Much love and ((((HUGS)))) and prayers as you face the due date of sweet Grace and contemplate all that "should have been..."
Your final verse is perfect and one that I think of often as I pass due dates and miscarriage dates. I pray you are blessed with a baby to fill your arms very soon.
Oh, Melanie. Thinking of you today. Holding you in my prayers.
I am thinking of you often today, Mel, Thank you for sharing Grace's site, and her, with us. Sending much love and many hugs to all of you.
(((Melanie))) I can relate to so much of what you wrote today. It is so hard losing a baby. You will always wonder "what if". As the years go by, you'll think, "she would have 7 today" or "I wonder if she would have liked these cookies." It never goes away. It just gets a little more bearable.
Praying that Grace touches you today somehow. She is looking out for you, I'm sure of it.
My dearest Mel - thinking of you and your family and holding you all close to my heart and in my prayers today. (((HUGS)))
My heart goes out to you Mel. It must be so difficult. I hold you in my thoughts.
Sending you hugs, I know that such days are very difficult to go through. Thank you for sharing your love of Grace with me. You are such a wonderful mother with a heart full of love for all of her children. I pray that God will bless you with another little one soon.
Thank you for the comment on my blog and for sharing Grace's story. So much of what you have written in this post sounds so familiar. It's so hard to think about what might have been but I still do even eight years later.
Also, the scripture that you have in the heading of your blog about God's grace being sufficient...that is the same scripture we associate with our Sydney. By the way, her middle name is Grace.
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