Another Fall

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ... a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Ecclesiates 3:1 & 4

The leaves are turning. The nights are cool, perfect sleeping-weather. But I'm not ready for summer to be over yet.

My feelings aren't really about wanting warmer weather to stay. Both Grace and Hannah were born in the fall. It seems my mind is subconsiously trying to deny fall's imminence because the last two autumns have held such sadness. I know the season had nothing to do with the girls' deaths, but they are linked in my mind. I think my subconscious denial of fall is my brain's way of trying to shield me from pain, even if it doesn't make logical sense.

Grace and Hannah have been in my thoughts even more than usual the past couple of weeks. My emotions in regard to them are nearer to the surface again. I know it's because their birthdays are approaching. In a way, I just want to get past the dates so that I don't have to keep thinking that their birthdays are coming up.

I love my baby girls. I want to remember them, and I know I will never forget them, but I don't want to feel the sorrow and pain so acutely.

Rest In Peace

Today we buried Hannah's ashes under the gingko tree we planted in memory of Grace and her.

There's no special reason that we did it today. Originally we had to wait til the weather warmed up in order to dig up the ground. Then it seemed we'd only remember to do it at times that didn't work. Both of our baby girls' remains are now laid to rest in the same place.

But your dead will live; their bodies will rise. You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy. Isaiah 26:19