Bathroom Humor

You have to admit there's a certain amount of humor in the situation when you're puking in the toilet and your 4YO asks, "Mama, are you 'throw-upping'?" and your 2 YO is standing next to the toilet with you coughing and spitting into it.

Growing

I am definitely losing my waist. Josh says he can really tell I'm pg, but I think I'm just in that stage where I look like I'm gaining weight.

Dearest Grace

One year ago today we said hello to you, although it was also goodbye as you were already gone. We held you and loved you, sang to you, talked to you, and kissed you. We knew that it was only your body we held, that your soul was already in its eternal home, but we were able to show our love to you in death in ways that we weren't able to while you were alive.

It seems a bit odd to call this your birthday, but it was indeed the day you were born. It just happens that the date of your death preceded the date of your birth.

My arms and heart still ache to hold you, little one. I love you so much! I think about you everyday. Although the pain of losing you has dulled a bit with time, some days it is still as raw and piercing as a year ago.

And today I find comfort again in my Lord who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He loves me unceasingly and blesses me unendingly.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:4-6

First MW Appt

Basic stuf, but goo to see Liz again. We went through all the medical history questions. Didn't have to do the bloodwork since I had all that done when I had my HCG and thyroid levels done earlier.

Best part is that I got to hear baby's HB ... 164, so that was reassuring. I still get so scared about not hearing it, but it was there. TY, God.

Next up ... I have a level 2 u/s scheduled for Oct. 22nd.

7 Week Ultrasound

My u/s was at the hospital, and I had the same u/s tech that I had for the 2 u/s's I had when we found out Grace had died. She remembered me and was so nice.

First she used the abdominal u/s and took some pics but not really of the baby. We saw the gestational sac, but I was getting worried because I couldn't see that little flutter. She really zoomed in and there it was. I was SO relieved I started crying!

Then she used the vaginal u/s to get some better pics and zoomed in and took some measurements. She checked baby's HB twice, and both times it was 150. There really wasn't much to see other than a fuzzy white blob with a flutter in the middle that was the baby and the yolk sace next to it. All the measurements she took were right on with my due date and number of weeks I should be, so that's good.

I was so relieved at the u/s, but I keep getting scared. Maybe I just need to walk around with a u/s permanently attached for the next 8 mo so that I can keep checking that the baby's doing well. :)

BFP

I got an immediate + tonight on a pg test at 14 DPO! :) Baby is due 4/26/09. Thank you, God, thank you! Please keep this baby in your tender care. May it grow strong, normally, and healthy and be delivered safely and alive at term. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Crooked Paths and Sweet Peace

I found these poems today. The same person posted them, but each was at a different blog. The first was posted at Hannah's Prayer; the second was at More Love To Thee. They both really spoke to me.

It puzzles me; but, Lord, Thou understandest,
And wilt one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Thy best--
Its very crookedness taught me to cling.

Thou hast fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked,
To keep my wand'ring eyes fixed on Thee,
To make me what I was not: humble, patient;
To draw my heart from earthly love, to Thee.

So I will thank and praise Thee for this puzzle,
And trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing Thou dost hold me worth such testing,
I cling the closer to Thy guiding hand.

--F.E.M.I., from Streams in the Desert


There is a peace that cometh after sorrow,
Of hope surrendered, not of hope fulfilled;
A peace that looketh not upon tomorrow,
But calmly on a tempest that it stilled.
A peace that lives not now in joy's excesses,
Nor in the happy life of love secure;
But in the unerring strength the heart possesses,
Of conflicts won while learning to endure.
A peace there is, in sacrifice secluded,
A life subdued, from will and passion free;
'Tis not the peace that over Eden brooded,
But that which triumphed in Gethsemane.

--Anonymous, from Streams in the Desert


Sometimes I feel like a beligerent child, kicking and screaming, trying to break free of God's firm grasp as he leads me down a crooked path. I know God's grasp and reasons are loving, but I don't want to go the way he is taking me. And yet, in the end, I do praise him. I may have started out doing so through tears and clenched teeth, but slowly the tears abate, my jaw loosens, the praises flow more freely through my lips, and I glimpse the peace that follows the storm.