Revised Blog Purpose

Josh and the kids brought me home from the hospital today. I am quite sore but doing okay.

I am in the process of editing this blog to include Hannah's story as well as Grace's. Some of Hannah's posts will be interspersed with Grace's as they are arranged chronologically according to posting dates, and I'm taking some of them from our family blog. If you want to be sure to read all of Hannah's entries, you can click on Hannah in the sidebar on the right under "Post Categories".

Please note that if you choose to leave comments, they are moderated, so you do not need to post again when your comment doesn't show up immediately.

Maybe it seems odd that I am doing this so soon, but it helps me to be able to write down my thoughts and feelings and process what happened in this way. I also feel it's a way for me to show my love for my daughters by acknowledging their short lives.

Hospital Update

Got to the hospital around 7:00 last night. Was given cytotec throughout the night and thankfully was able to sleep some.

Hannah Meredith was born a little after noon today.

Through her sadness, E observed, "Atleast Hannah gets to know one of her siblings since Grace is with her."

I plan to come home tomorrow.

Deja Vu

I had my 18 wk prenatal appt w/ my mw this afternoon. She couldn't find the baby's HB. She tried for quite a while, then tried on the in-room u/s, then sent me over to the hospital for the u/s tech to check. Still no HB.

This feels like deja vu. I can't believe it's happening again. I'm numb.

Josh and I are going to the hospital tonight for me to be induced. Please keep our family in your prayers.

Thankful

I'm thankful for feeling definite baby movement lately which is helping ease my mind.

On an expecting board that I visit, one of the women just discovered at her u/s that her baby had died, and she is being induced. It brings back so many painful memories, but I'm thankful my God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and he will never leave [me], nor forsake [me]. (Joshua 1:5c)

Where's the Baby?

S says "baby" and when asked where the baby is, he will point to my tummy, although he actually usually points quite a bit high!

Anxiety

I'm just over 16 wks into this pg, and I'm having a difficult time this week. Although we didn't discover Grace had died til I was 20 wks along, it was determined that she had died around 16 1/2 wks. I'm so scared, anxious, and emotional right now.

I keep thinking about how this baby is the same size as Grace. I can picture what this baby looks like since I held Grace in my arms.

I think I've felt movement, but nothing definite yet, so I don't have that reassurance. I'm still getting by wearing my next-size-up regular clothes, not maternity clothes yet. I suppose I should be happy about that, but I never got into maternity clothes with Grace and I wasn't worried at the time because I figured I'd get big enough in time. Now I'm scared I won't get into maternity clothes again.

Sometimes I wish I had one of those at-home doppler machines so that I could listen to the baby's heartbeat and be reassured, but I'd probably end up scaring myself instead when I couldn't find a heartbeat that's really there.

I wish I had another appt with Liz really soon, but I think my next one is the week of Thanksgiving.

I don't want to be on pins and needles this whole pg. I want to enjoy it, but it's so hard! Doubts and fears keep worming their way in.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Oh, God, I'm trying! Please help me!

2nd Tri Morning Sickness?

I want to know why morning sickness is bothering me more in my 2nd tri than in my 1st?!