First MW Appt

Basic stuf, but goo to see Liz again. We went through all the medical history questions. Didn't have to do the bloodwork since I had all that done when I had my HCG and thyroid levels done earlier.

Best part is that I got to hear baby's HB ... 164, so that was reassuring. I still get so scared about not hearing it, but it was there. TY, God.

Next up ... I have a level 2 u/s scheduled for Oct. 22nd.

7 Week Ultrasound

My u/s was at the hospital, and I had the same u/s tech that I had for the 2 u/s's I had when we found out Grace had died. She remembered me and was so nice.

First she used the abdominal u/s and took some pics but not really of the baby. We saw the gestational sac, but I was getting worried because I couldn't see that little flutter. She really zoomed in and there it was. I was SO relieved I started crying!

Then she used the vaginal u/s to get some better pics and zoomed in and took some measurements. She checked baby's HB twice, and both times it was 150. There really wasn't much to see other than a fuzzy white blob with a flutter in the middle that was the baby and the yolk sace next to it. All the measurements she took were right on with my due date and number of weeks I should be, so that's good.

I was so relieved at the u/s, but I keep getting scared. Maybe I just need to walk around with a u/s permanently attached for the next 8 mo so that I can keep checking that the baby's doing well. :)

BFP

I got an immediate + tonight on a pg test at 14 DPO! :) Baby is due 4/26/09. Thank you, God, thank you! Please keep this baby in your tender care. May it grow strong, normally, and healthy and be delivered safely and alive at term. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Crooked Paths and Sweet Peace

I found these poems today. The same person posted them, but each was at a different blog. The first was posted at Hannah's Prayer; the second was at More Love To Thee. They both really spoke to me.

It puzzles me; but, Lord, Thou understandest,
And wilt one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Thy best--
Its very crookedness taught me to cling.

Thou hast fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked,
To keep my wand'ring eyes fixed on Thee,
To make me what I was not: humble, patient;
To draw my heart from earthly love, to Thee.

So I will thank and praise Thee for this puzzle,
And trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing Thou dost hold me worth such testing,
I cling the closer to Thy guiding hand.

--F.E.M.I., from Streams in the Desert


There is a peace that cometh after sorrow,
Of hope surrendered, not of hope fulfilled;
A peace that looketh not upon tomorrow,
But calmly on a tempest that it stilled.
A peace that lives not now in joy's excesses,
Nor in the happy life of love secure;
But in the unerring strength the heart possesses,
Of conflicts won while learning to endure.
A peace there is, in sacrifice secluded,
A life subdued, from will and passion free;
'Tis not the peace that over Eden brooded,
But that which triumphed in Gethsemane.

--Anonymous, from Streams in the Desert


Sometimes I feel like a beligerent child, kicking and screaming, trying to break free of God's firm grasp as he leads me down a crooked path. I know God's grasp and reasons are loving, but I don't want to go the way he is taking me. And yet, in the end, I do praise him. I may have started out doing so through tears and clenched teeth, but slowly the tears abate, my jaw loosens, the praises flow more freely through my lips, and I glimpse the peace that follows the storm.

Grace's Tree

Here are some pictures I took of Grace's tree now that it's got some leaves.

Taken facing north


Facing east southeast


A close-up of the fan-shaped leaves. Aren't they pretty?

Sleeping

Yesterday Josh and the kids took down the crib and put up a twin bed for S to sleep in. Seeing the crib taken apart and ready to be taken out to the garage was a bit difficult. I couldn't help thinking that the crib wasn't supposed to be taken down at this point. There was supposed to be another little baby sleeping in it by now. But then I think that it really wasn't "supposed" to be that way at all. In our minds, yes, but God knew beforehand that Grace wouldn't be sleeping in that crib. Though it hurts, yet I trust in God's omniscience. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Engraving

F, S, and I ran errands yesterday morning after M left. I picked up my footprints ring from the jeweler. I'd had it engraved to say GRACE 10-5-07.